Have you ever been abducted by aliens?

Opinion

I have often joked about falling off the Earth. During my almost six years in the military service, it seemed that I had. I am a native of Baltimore and the Civil Rights Riots occurred and the Orioles won their first World Series championship while I was attending Infantry School and then serving in Vietnam. Laugh In and Star Trek appeared on TV while I was stationed in Hawaii where broadcasts were aired by tape delay a week later, but no one was watching. Thus, I was disconnected, oblivious to the popular culture of the time. Literally, it was as though I had fallen off the Earth.

Now, I have a new excuse and a new joke. I suffer from Transient Global Amnesia (TGA). The operative word is “Transient”. It passes. It’s temporary and I have no memory of anything that occurs during an episode. The brain loses the capacity to form short term memories. My wife tells me that I keep repeating the same thing, “Something’s wrong”, but I don’t know what. And, if she asks me about anything happening during a TGA episode, I can’t answer correctly. When it’s over, I announce that I was abducted by aliens. That’s my new joke.

I have always responded to pain with humor. During my one stroke, the paramedic was confused. While talking to a doctor at the hospital via radio, reporting my vitals, he reported that I seemed “strangely upbeat.” I was telling him my best jokes. Sadly, he couldn’t understand them. My speech was badly slurred because my entire left side was paralyzed. Don’t worry. I’m completely recovered. I’m the poster child for fast treatment of strokes.

I was amazed to discover that TGA’s aren’t all that uncommon. A neighbor had one a week before me. A friend had one on the golf course a couple years before. Still, no one had warned me that they could recur.

I’m here to tell you that TGA’s can recur. Be prepared.

Also, be prepared if you’re around someone who suffers a TGA.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve taken countless first aid courses. I took them as a Boy Scout. I took them in the Army. (I know what to do with a sucking chest wound in case you’re wondering.) I’ve taken many more over the years since.
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One of the funny things about first aid courses is that each one teaches me that something I learned in an earlier class could kill a patient. Don’t, for example, give a bag to a person who is hyperventilating to breath into. Rebreathing carbon dioxide could kill a diabetic. Well, at least that’s what I’ve been told after learning in an earlier class that the paper bag treatment was simply the best first aid treatment for such a situation. They’ve possibly changed that warning in a more recent first aid class. The medical profession always seems to be changing its mind about something or other. Like cholesterol.

If you see someone exhibiting these symptoms, they’re likely experiencing a TGA. Do what my wife does. Don’t let them drive. Reassure them. Keep them safe and comfortable. Call 911.